I had a great discussion with my class last week on several topics but one of them was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and someone made the comment that “it’s bullshit that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.” And I hear that,…
Tag: self care
If you’re surrounded by toxic people or just negative Nancy’s, here are some tools for staying positive. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t get you, who doesn’t see all of the value you hold. And that’s ok. You don’t need their words of…
Several months ago I posted about how I changed the way I journal to make it more enjoyable and meaningful. You can find that post here.
Today I want to talk about the Benefits and Downfalls of Journaling. According to an article on PsychologyToday.com, “Outcome research on the benefits of journaling shows mixed results. Sometimes keeping a journal of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences helps, but often it makes things worse. In general it is likely to hurt if it tries to help you “know yourself” in isolation and helps if it leads to greater understanding and behavior change in your interactions with others.”
“Know yourself in isolation” is an interesting way to describe it, I think. But I think it means that failing to connect with other people, and get feedback etc, is important as well. If you only look to yourself for improvement, solutions, and opportunities for growth, you’re missing out on a whole lot!
The article goes on to give a list of benefits and drawbacks of journaling according to research:
Journaling can have a positive effect on your behavior and well being if it:
- Makes you step back and evaluate your thoughts, emotions, and behavior
- Explores solutions
- Brings your emotions and motivations into alignment with your deepest values
- Converts negative energy into positive creativity and growth
- Lowers your emotional reactivity to others
- Increases tolerance of ambiguity, ambivalence, and unpredictability, which are part of normal living
- Helps you see other people’s perspectives alongside your own
- Makes you feel more humane
- Helps you take a definite course of action.
Journaling can have a negative effect on your behavior and well being if it:
- Makes you live too much in your head
- Makes you a passive observer of your life (thinking about how you’ll record it instead of experiencing what is happening)
- Makes you self-obsessed
- Becomes a vehicle of blame instead of solutions
- Wallows in negative things that have happened to you.
Sticking to writing in a journal can be really difficult too, which is why you need to make it enjoyable, and a part of your daily routine. My friends and I were talking about journaling this past weekend, and it came up that sometimes it can be hard to know what to write about. Especially if you are writing everyday! So one of my friends told us that he Grandmother always kept a journal and once told her, “If you don’t know what to say, just write about the weather.” You know what the weather was like so you really don’t have to think about what to say, you can just write it. And if nothing else flows out after that, then maybe that’s enough some days.
I really loved that idea. It gives you a way to stay accountable in a way, because you don’t ever have the excuse that you don’t know what to write.
I think another good rule for journaling is that if you only do one sentence on the days you have trouble figuring out what to write, that’s ok too. Sometimes I even will write down a quote that I really like when I have nothing else to write.
It’s important to remember that journaling is for YOU. Drop whatever preconceived ideas or beliefs about journaling that you have and create new ones! There are no RULES! You get to make up your own!
Do you journal?
Tell me in the comments– Do you journal? If yes, how do you make it enjoyable for yourself? Do you draw pictures? Make lists? Tell me everything!
Interested in trying out my online journaling program? Let me know your email address in the comments or message me on Facebook, and I will send you more information.
Source: The Good and the Bad of Journaling: Use it as a tool to improve or appreciate, Steven Stosny, Ph.D., Psychology Today
“Mom guilt, it’s like my arch nemesis. It’s constantly present, and never ceasing to exist! I had mom guilt before Fitz was even born, and still, to this day, it is present. I have just now learned how to ignore unnecessary guilt and let it “roll off my shoulders.”
Before my son was born, there would be days I would forget to take my prenatal vitamin, or I ate crap for several days. I thought to myself, what a disservice to my unborn child! I can’t even remember to take a vitamin or eat my veggies that is beneficial to his development. When Fitz was born, I always asked myself, am I rocking him or holding him long enough? Am I using the right bottles? Does he need more gas medicine? It was always never enough, or I always felt like I was doing something wrong. When Fitz was 4 months old, I went back to work, and my mom guilt quickly escalated! I constantly thought I wasn’t spending enough time with him, and I was missing his milestones. My milk supply dropped when I started back work, and I felt terrible that I couldn’t provide him with enough milk.
To this day, I have guilt when disciplining Fitz, and he is 21 months old. I always think, am I being too harsh? Am I not disciplining him enough? If Fitz eats fast food for several days in a row, he will be fine, he gets to eat food he thinks taste way better than my vegetables. If I discipline him, I know I a teaching him right from wrong because I love him and want him to be a good person. If I don’t give him that piece of cake right before bed and he has a fit, I can’t feel guilty about not giving in to him. I can’t feel guilty about every little thing that I may or may not be doing right. I always second guess myself when it comes to raising Fitz. This is all new to me and I am slowly learning.
There is one thing I do know, and that is Fitz knows he is loved, and he will always be safe. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but it can be close to it. It can be your kind of perfect. Mom guilt lingers and stays. However, I leaned to let things go and not let it take over. All mommies, and future mommies. You are awesome! Don’t ever compare yourself to anyone and think you should be doing more. You be you, momma, and love that baby, and that is all they will ever need. Your love. Give your mom guilt a kick to curb and relax. You are doing perfect!”
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Mommas/ Soon-to-be Mommas,
My name is Tiffany McLaughlin, I am 27 years old and have been married 2 years to my wonderful husband. I’m here to let you know have no fear your NICU baby will grow, and will be strong enough to hold their own!
Our daughter Paige was born 7-7-16 after I was induced due to preeclampsia. She was born at 37 weeks, and it was a wonderful experience being induced. I had the epidural after being in active labor for 4 hours. I thought all was great and she was perfect. I was wrong, her blood sugars were low(common with preeclampsia) and she was jaundice.
Paige was rushed to the NICU and I was rushed in to emergency DNC as I had hemorrhage while Paige was being taken care of with the nurses. That’s another story in itself but it makes recovery from natural birth so much harder.
Paige weighed 5lbs 12oz, 19 in. when she was born and she was our little fighter. She was pricked a women up every hour for blood test, and feeds. I didn’t get to be with her the first 12 hours and I hated every moment. I cried, I called my mom, I was an emotional wreck. Little did I know the strength she was working up to be a strong hanging with the rest of them baby. 10 days is all it took for her to tell the nurses, “I’m ready to go home.”
Paige today is 19 months, taller than most kids her age, but skinny as can be. She is a talker, a lover, and not much of a “cuddler.” She has been sleeping through the night since she was 3 months old, eating since 6 months. I hope to keep this a short burst to tell you moms know, it will be ok. Every story has a rough spot. I’m here to tell you there is good that comes from the bad. Moms be strong, look for support from your family and SO. You can do this. If you have questions or would like to know more into our story please feel free to reach out to me. Iselt91@gmail.com
Or request to follow me on Instagram: @minniemommatiff
Your fellow Mom,