Being an adult is hard! Especially when it comes to relationships! Romantic and friendships! But one thing can make these easier and that is knowing how to know who to trust. And even though trusting anyone is always risky, when you are aware of the…
I had a great discussion with my class last week on several topics but one of them was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and someone made the comment that “it’s bullshit that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.” And I hear that,…
Let’s be honest with each other here, it’s hard making friends as an adult. Am I right? As adults we are much more judgmental, hesitant, and picky about our who we choose as our friends.
Our social circles tend to get smaller as we get older and our lives change. We don’t see the same people that we used to on a regular basis.
However research shows that connection is necessary for living a fulfilling life. We need friends that we can share our lives with to feel whole. I’m sure you have heard the statistics about women’s life expectancy being longer than men’s. This is partly because women are more social creatures. We’re more likely to have a network of friends and therefore more likely to..
If that doesn’t say something about how our friendships affect us, I don’t know what does!
So since it such an important aspect of our lives it’s something we should put more effort and intention into.
SO, I made a free 5 Day Course on Friendships! It includes:
- Characteristics of Healthy Friends
- 10 Tips for Being a Better Friend
- Friends & Setting Boundaries
- Healthy Conflict Resolution in Friendships
- 5 Tips to Strengthen Your Friendships
If you are interested in my free course just click here to sign up!
October 16, 2017 Today’s Mommy Monday post comes to you from Rachael Freeland! Rachel has a blog called Werifesteria: To Wander through the Forest in Search of Mystery. Rachel is from Melbourne, Australia originally, but is living in Amsterdam currently. Before Rachel became a mother…
The Smart Lioness’ – 1st MOMMY MONDAY!!!
Introducing Shannon Allen Lusk
Hi! I’m Shannon. I am a wife, Social Worker (with a degree from Auburn University), daughter, sister, and of course, proud mommy of a sweet and squishy little 6 month old, Lucy.
Hillary asked me to write an entry for her Mommy Mondays blog a few weeks ago, and I’ve finally mustered up the courage to share some of my new mommy “insight” with y’all. With a little encouragement (and pushing) from Hillary, I finally decided to write on one of the most essential parts of every relationship we have: communication.
*DISCLAIMER: I’m new to this whole Mommy thing, so please take what I say lightly. This is in no way meant to mommy-shame or imply that I have it altogether, because I certainly do not. These are just some of the thoughts I have as I navigate through this new and unfamiliar phase of my life.
After my husband and I got married on August 29, 2015 we knew we didn’t want to wait long before starting a family. And to our surprise we found out I was expecting about a month before our first anniversary. I went through all of the emotions you would typically expect after seeing that positive pregnancy test, but I can very vividly remember thinking, “Gosh, I hope it’s a boy.” I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself the worst teenager but I also know that I wasn’t the easiest to live with, and I was (and still am) scared to raise a teenage girl because let’s face it, karma really is a b**$h. But low and behold, here I sit with a beautiful, healthy, and happy six month old baby girl that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
As soon as I found out we would be bringing home the daughter that I was already terrified of, I decided that I would work my hardest to let her know how much I would love, accept, and support her. I have had enough education and experiences (as a Social Worker) to know that communication between children and their parents will significantly impact the child’s life; your past relationships will always influence your current and future relationships. But how do you communicate with a child who can’t speak yet and (probably) doesn’t understand a word you’re saying?
Before we get into that, I think it’s important to emphasize that every child is different and every mother is different, so as a result, every communication style between a mother and her child will be different. The methods that work for Lucy and I may not have the same results for you and your child(ren). Therefore, I believe it is important to develop your own style of communication that will help mold these important relationships.
I’m sure you have heard of The Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman (which I am a huge fan of and highly recommend you reading), but you may not know that he has also written The Five Love Languages of Children. In the book overview he writes, “Everything depends on the love relationship between you and your child. When children feel loved, they do their best… Discover your child’s primary language and learn what you can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in your child’s emotions and behavior.”
This is just one of the many resources floating around that can help you decipher how to better communicate with and love your child(ren), but again we’re back to the question I had earlier: How do you communicate with a child who can’t speak yet and (probably) doesn’t understand a word you’re saying?
To answer that question that haunted me for most of the 10 months of my pregnancy (that’s not a typo, 40 weeks = 10 months so don’t believe any of that 9 month garbage they tell you) I reflected back on my teenage years. You know, back when I knew everything and thought my parents were clueless. And I realized that, if I had known that my parents actually experienced, and understood many of the same emotions (and hormones) that I was trying to navigate through as teenager, maybe, I would have heeded their advice more often than I did.
So I came up with the idea to write a journal to Lucy, one entry each month for the first year of her life and then at least one entry per year (I plan to have some “bonus entries” thrown in every now and then). My strategy is to give the journal to her on her 16th birthday (when her teenage rage will most likely be at its peak) so she will hopefully understand that like her, I too have real emotions and can possibly relate to many of the hardships that she will no doubt experience in her teenage years, and even beyond.
As of now, most of the entries are just chronicling the milestones she’s reaching each month, but I always make sure to include some of my hopes for her future. I try to encourage her independence and reassure her strengths as a woman – I pray that she will fall in love with herself before she falls in love with anyone else. I also write often about my marriage so she will be able to recognize and engage in healthy relationships of her own once she is ready. And although I write about my life choices, I encourage her to choose her own path – one that will make her the happiest, and I assure her that I will always support the decisions that she makes. The main goal I hope to achieve from this journal is for Lucy to one day be able to read all of the important things I may not get the chance or take the time to tell her.
Another creative communication technique that may work for you (and something I intend to do as Lucy gets older) is writing letters to each other on a regular basis. I think this is such a fun and non-threatening way to encourage honesty between you and your child(ren). It opens up a line of communication that is constant and confidential, and also protects you from making the “Oh my gosh!” face in front of your kid if/when they drop some really shocking information on you.
The Center for Effective Parenting states that, “Effective, open communication takes a lot of hard work and practice. Parents should remember that they will not be perfect. Parents make mistakes. What is important is that parents make the effort to effectively communicate with their children starting when their children are very young. The result will be a much closer, positive relationship between parents and their children.”
Like I mentioned earlier in the post, these ideas may or may not work for you and your child(ren). You might already be dealing with teenagers, or don’t have the time to sit down and write on a regular basis, or writing just may not be your forte. But I challenge you to find a way to increase the communications you’re currently having with your child(ren), because it can only improve your relationship. There is a plethora of resources online, or you could reach out to Hillary Ivey Montijo @thesmartlioness – she is an EXPERT in communication!
If you have a creative and effective form of communication that you want to share, please comment below. I’d love to hear your ideas!
Thanks for reading,
“Unapologetically Me” What does it mean to be “unapologetically me?” That’s the question, I have had on my mind lately, the “way of living” I’m trying to describe to you, and myself. I know it when I see it! That’s for sure! When you think…
Lioness Ladies!!! How are you doing on this lovely Sunday morning?? (Whatever time it is, where you are). Today’s blog post I write with total excitement because my new challenge Dare to Roar starts tomorrow!! This Challenge is FREE & will be…
Hello my Lovely Lionesses!
I have been laying low on the blog lately because I have been working on some new products to provide you gals! But I need your help! I’m having writer’s block except for creating new products, not really writing! YOU know what I mean!! ..right?
Anyway, I was working on a new free 7 day series on Boundaries, then started rethinking my topic because I’m not sure if that’s what you all want to work on. So I decided to just come straight to the source and ask you! What would you like for my next FREEBIE Series to be? If you could have anything, no matter how much you think it would cost, what would you like to see “in my store?” (Clearly I don’t have a store, & most of what I provide can’t be bought in a store anyway, but it gives a good visual, don’t you think?) But for real, tell me!
I’m also heading in a slightly different direction than I’ve been going with my content, focus, etc as far as products/services that I offer go. My blog is always going to have multiple topics and types of content because… because that’s just how I LIKE IT!! 🙂
So here is a little bit to give you an idea of where I’m headed…
How to Relationship in the Real World
For the ladies who have been cheated on, mistreated, & wronged! For the ladies who are PASSED PISSED & ready to move on to healthier, happier places!
I’m liking PASSED PISSED as a title of something FA SHO! It just has a good ring to it! 🙂
Do you question if your relationship is one that is healthy for you? Has your partner shown “red flags” while you have been together? We all deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and in healthy relationships. Are you not quite sure if your own relationship is…