Author: thesmartlioness

What to Watch: Holiday Edition

What to Watch: Holiday Edition

Looking for Alaska This show had so many good scenes and quotes I don’t even know where to start. I loved this show from the first episode!  First of all, it’s set in Birmingham, Alabama which is just about three hours from Dothan, Alabama where…

Adulting is Hard

Adulting is Hard

Being an adult is hard! Especially when it comes to relationships! Romantic and friendships! But one thing can make these easier and that is knowing how to know who to trust. And even though trusting anyone is always risky, when you are aware of the…

Bullshit! You can love others without loving yourself!

Bullshit! You can love others without loving yourself!

I had a great discussion with my class last week on several topics but one of them was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and someone made the comment that “it’s bullshit that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.” And I hear that, and it’s true, you can definitely love other people when you don’t love yourself. It’s easier to love someone else than it is to love yourself!

But first, before I get more into that, what is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and why were we talking about it in my psychology class?

Abraham Maslow was a Humanistic psychologist who did research on the Personalities of healthy people. All of the psychologist before him studied people with problems or disorders but Maslow believed that there was something to learn from people who led exceptional lives like Abraham Lincoln. From his research he created Maslow’s hierarchy of needs which he said, as humans we have needs that must be met in this hierarchical order for us to lead a positive life where we can reach our full potential.

Starting at the base of the pyramid with our most basic and physiological needs like food, water, air, and sex. Once we have met those needs we move on to attaining our security needs like safety – a roof over our head, and financial stability. Once that need is met we move on to love and belonging needs– romantic relationships etc. Next we work on our self esteem and self respect needs, and then finally our need for self actualization. Self actualization is a state in which we have reached our full potential in life. A state where we come to find a meaning in life that is important to us.

Maslow believed that about only 2% of people will reach this point in their lives however. Maslow studied 18 people that he thought had “self actualized” and from that he identified 15 characteristics of a self actualized person.

I believe that this is such an interesting concept and it definitely can be applied to our lives but I think everyone’s hierarchy may be different and that’s ok! Personally, I would flip self esteem and love and belonging, in terms of order, its important to me to love myself before I get romantically involved with someone else.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs- According to Abraham Maslow, humans have a hierarchy of needs that must be attended to starting with the bottom of the pyramid moving upward.



So, when it comes to romantic love, if you don’t love yourself first, you’re gonna have problems. Believe me, I know, I’ve been there. After I had my heart broken by my boyfriend of about a year and a half, and my best friend because they decided to cheat on me my while I was away traveling in Europe with my parents one summer in high school. I found out when I came back and was devastated and embarrassed and felt SO betrayed.

I could NOT believe I had been hurt by the two people I loved the most! It was horrible the next few months trying to get over that but having to see both of them all the time made it really difficult. I felt alone and lost and then a I met a boy, several years younger than me and who “worshipped” me. I was older than him and more experienced than him, so I had a false sense of security I think. He seemed so innocent and fell for me so fast! It felt so good to have someone look at me the way he did.

And because of that false sense of security, I missed a lot of red flags. For example, he told me he loved me after our first kiss. (Go to my Free PDF Resources Page for a list of Red Flags to look for.)

But I really should have taken the time to heal and grow from that before moving on to another relationship but I didn’t. Not long after that I got into another relationship that would last 4 years and would change my life. It was an emotionally abusive relationship that definitely didn’t start out that way but morphed into it over time and I didn’t even realize it was happening until it was way too late. By the end of it I was completely broken down as a person, and had no clue who I was, what I wanted, and didn’t have a lick of confidence or love for myself.

But if I would have given myself time to heal properly from the first heartbreak, I would have been able to see things differently. I felt worthless because I was betrayed by two people I loved and trusted the most, and if they could do this to me then I must deserve it. Had I realized then that my worth didn’t come from anyone else, and that no one can GIVE my worth to me, I might not have even gotten into that second heartbreak in the first place. I wouldn’t have been searching for someone to make me happy instead of figuring out how to make myself happy.

So what I’m sayin’ is, you have to realize your worth before you can be in a healthy romantic relationship. But that’s just my opinion! What do you think?? Agree? 👍🏻 or Disagree? 👎🏼 Or not sure? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tell me in the comments!!

If you would like to work with me 1:1 NOW is your chance! I have some openings for new clients and spots will fill up fast and space IS limited! If you are tired of the same ole negative self talk, limiting beliefs, and the belief that you must be perfect, I’m your woman! You do not have to stay stuck! You can change your beliefs and change your life! So let’s work together to do that!! Click here for more details and to sign up NOW!

What to Watch: October

What to Watch: October

I decided to highlight two shows this month because it’s my favorite time of the year (Halloween) but it is also National Domestic Violence Awareness month this month, which is an issue I’m very passionate about! So why not do both?  So the first show…

4 Ways to Fight Negative Thinking

4 Ways to Fight Negative Thinking

If you’re surrounded by toxic people or just negative Nancy’s, here are some tools for staying positive. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t get you, who doesn’t see all of the value you hold. And that’s ok. You don’t need their words of…

What to Watch: August

What to Watch: August

I realize that August is almost over, but I’m going to be honest, I’m not at a shortage for shows to recommend. And I’m such a nerd about it! I actually started a spreadsheet of all of the shows I’ve watched over the last several years. Not surprisingly, its a very large number, 140 to be exact but I know I’m leaving some out! And its growing pretty quickly. YES, I know I have a problem!

Sweetbitter Tv Show

So anyway my show recommendation for August is Sweetbitter, on Amazon Prime/Starz. I didn’t know until doing research for this post that the series is based on the novel Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler. The series has two seasons so far and six episodes in the first season, and eight in the second season.

The show is about Tess (played by Ella Purnell), who has just moved to New York City by herself. It doesn’t ever specify Tess’ age, but she’s at least 21 and can’t be much older than that. Tess gets a job at an “iconic” restaurant in the city, that she ends up falling in love with. She learns about taste and how there are four major flavors — sweet, salty, sour, and bitter.

One thing I really liked about Tess was her innocence, curiosity and genuine interest in learning more about this career she has chosen. You don’t really see that so often anymore in an entry level type job. So I really loved how this was different in that way.

In Tess’ journey through the show she makes good friends and finds love and lust in her coworkers, and her love for food and her job continues to flourish.

This show is a really good escape into the night life of a small group of work friends in New York City. I really enjoyed the different characters, and relationships throughout the series as well as the different story lines taking place. The show does take on some serious topics like suicide and inequalities and racism in the work place.

Sweetbitter really is a hidden gem. Check it out next time you can’t find something to watch! You won’t be sorry and you can thank me later! 🙂

A little Update..

A little Update..

I just wanted to give a little update on what’s been going on and what I have planned for the blog and with The Smart Lioness in general! This past week my 12 week course Unapologetically Me: Fearless & Flawed finished up! I think it…

Building Self Esteem is a Process..

Building Self Esteem is a Process..

Have you ever been told that you are too sensitive? Do you fall hard and fast into relationships only to eventually get hurt? Do you feel like you have so much love to give but no one ever appreciates it, or the just ends up…

A Netflix Show Review: Bonding

A Netflix Show Review: Bonding

In short, I LOVED IT!

Mistress May and Master Carter from Netflix's Bonding
Mistress May & Master Carter

Bonding is a “dark comedy” with just 7 episodes currently on Netflix. Brendan Scannell plays Pete aka Master Carter and is one of the main characters, and who we meet first. I fell in love with Pete within the first five seconds of the show! He is adorable and just has that quality about him that makes you love him immediately.

Zoe Levin plays Tiffany aka Mistress May, and she is Pete’s high school best friend who works as a Dominatrix by night and attends graduate school for psychology during the day! I have to say a was drawn to her character for multiple reasons but one of them being of course, because we have the graduate school thing in common.. except I went for Clinical Mental Health not Psychology. But I love Tiff’s/Mistress May’s confidence and passion for what she believes in as well.

The show begins with Pete going to visit Tiff for the first time while she’s at work because she has offered him a position as her assistant and he is in serious need of some cash!

FAIR WARNING! This show IS about a dominatrix so there ARE some pretty intense scenes. With that being said, there is no nudity.

I loved this show for so many reasons though! First, it was pretty shocking and scandalous, but in the best ways possible! If you can’t handle sex scenes, this show probably isn’t for you!

At one part in the series the two friends are talking to each other:

“You made my heart cum”

“I made your soul giz” (This had me dying!!)

But my favorite thing about the show is Mistress May. I LOVE this girl’s commanding confidence!! Plus she stands up to a “bully” and does what needs to so often be done. (No spoilers here!)

And lastly, but certainly not least, I loved how Mistress May/the show explored the topic of practicing healthy BDSM and the potential benefits of doing so. Tiff explains it as, a “full service fantasy provider” where her clients can get “liberation from shame.” This isn’t a topic that I know much about but now am curious and find myself doing more research about it.

I recently learned that the show’s creator, Rightor Doyle based the series on his own life. When he was 22, gay, and a recent college grad, he worked with a high school friend of his that was a dominatrix. You can read more about him and the show here.

Bonding

SO, if you are looking for a good laugh, a little shock, and a lot of good vibes, you should definitely check out Bonding on Netflix ASAP!!

Have you seen it yet? Tell me your thoughts in the comments!

Pin it now! Read it later!

The Pros & Cons of Journaling

The Pros & Cons of Journaling

Several months ago I posted about how I changed the way I journal to make it more enjoyable and meaningful. You can find that post here. Today I want to talk about the Benefits and Downfalls of Journaling. According to an article on PsychologyToday.com, “Outcome…